The Most Beautiful Ninjago Fanfic In History
by choz
Summary: WHEN A NEW GURL ARRIVES AND IS THE DAUGHTER OF THE OVERLORD, WHAT WILL THE NINJA DO?616?61!6!6161?61numbers numbers! (rating updated to T for dark humour. I'm not British I'm Canadian ok)
1. doritos

**I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING IDEA EVER NONE OF YOU HAD EVER THOUGHT ABOUT(except maybe over 9000 people).**

 **A NINJAGO TROLLFIC.**

 **OHNU?**

 **OHYES.**

 **I WILL NOW INTRODUCE MY EPIC MARY-SUE OC.**

ANGELIKA POOLE, WITH ALL THESE LAST NAMES: Angelika Blossom Unicorn Rainbow Stuff Thangs Shiny Minecraft Call-of-Duty Doritos Grimes Dixon Poole

…

It was a normal day in Ninjago and the ninja had nothing to do because it was raining.

"GOING OUT IN THE RAIN IS COOL!" shouted Jay. "WHEEEEEE"

He opened the door and ran out while magic rainbow unicorns were flying around for no reason.

"Hello everyone!" screamed a girl.

"! BUT WHO'S THAT!" said Kai, while the girl was riding one of those magic unicorns, her purple and golden beautiful eyes shining. Her long, wavy blonde hair seemed to never get tangled. She got down, and the magic unicorn almost hit Jay, who didn't move even if normally he would've acted like these 9 year old kids you find screaming on Xbox Live. With a clap of her hands, she made the rain stop. And then she looked at Cole who turned back into a normal dude instead of being a ghost.

"wat" he said.

"My name is Angelika Poole."

"yeah what are your powers?" asked Zane.

"I have all the powers you can think of! My father was the OVERLOOORD!1!"

"WHOA!" the Ninja all screamed at the same time.

"Who's the mother?" asked Kai.

"Um… Um..."

"THAT'S ALL RIGHT, NO NEED TO KNOW IF SHE'S JUST A BAD GUY- I MEAN GURL THAT IS SPYING ON US! AND WHO CARES IF SHE'LL ALL KILL US!" shouted Zane and Kai.

"TRUE DAT!" said Garmadon, who just came back from the dead(yeah, 'cause in the series, he's totally dead.)

"DADDY!" Lloyd screamed.

"SON."

"YOU ARE ALIVE DAD."

"YES I AM SON."

"KK stop all the drama" said Cole.

"MEOW MEOW MEOW!" said Kai who was suddenly a cat because Angelika had turned him into one.

"MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!"

"What is he saying?" Jay asked.

"That's all right! I can speak ALL languages, even cat!" purred Angelika, because her magic powers could make her purr even if she wasn't a freaking cat.

"MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!" meowed Kai.

"He's saying… GET ME OUT OF HERE I HATE THIS I WANNA BE HUMAN AGAIN" Angelika translated. "Wish granted, Kai!"

"MEOW MEOW HELP HELP HELP… hey I'm not a cat anymore! Thanks Angelika even if you totally was the first one to turn me into a cat and I do not even feel angry at you for this even if I'm freaking Kai!"

Angelika then started to cry.

"ERMAGERD WHAT'S WRONG ANGIE" all the ninja screamed.

Yay Cliffhanger!1!11 :DDDDD

 **I feel ashamed of myself for writing this.**

 **But it's fun.**

 **And if I self-inserted, it would look like this:**

 **Me: _WELL HELLO EVERYBODY_**

 **Angelika: *shoots me with rainbow unicorns***

 **Me: _OHNO Y U DO DIS AUGHH *_ dies***


	2. n00bie PLEASE

Angelika... Angelika was TRIGGERED.

Yes, exactly like the Tumblr social justice warriors, TRIGGERED. She had voyaged in many dimensions.

Each one of them gave her different -and all horrible- trauma. Whether it be abuse, death, illness or any type of suffering, she had witnessed it all. It all scarred her so she couldn't see anything problematic without breaking down. And one of these problematic things were anger.

Any manifestation of anger, even the slightest one like an annoyed sigh or a mention of the word, would leave her hurt. She curled up on the cold ground while the perplexed ninja stared at her.

Kai walked up to her, the sound of his steps echoing in the silence which was already broken by Angelika's sobs. He got down on his knees and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"So... who's the mother?" he asked softly after a brief moment.

Angelika got up and started walking away without any answer.

"Waaaaiiiiiittttt" Kai yelled, running after her.

Angelika used her magic powers to fly, purple gleams enveloping her perfect body. The fire ninja watched her disappear in the now darkened sky.

He got back to the others, who were sadly still deeply confused.

"We need to catch up to her... and to know who's the mother!" he said in a confident voice.

"ok" Zane agreed, while Cole and Nya nodded, Jay smiled, Lloyd shrugged, Garmadon rolled his eyes and lightning hit a nearby tree.

"Noooo, Jay y u do dis" Cole yelled angrily.

"lol not me bro" Jay replied in your traditional «dudebrohomie» voice, aka sounding like he was stoned af.

"Let's go!" Kai said, marching away with a machine gun.

"Can I have a machine gun" Lloyd asked.

"No you have a pistol"

"y"

"cuz u a n00b"

"lel u kiddin me squeaker"

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING"

"U WOT M8"

and then they started fighting over the machine gun but Garmadon ended up taking it.

"Now stop or I'll kill both of you, smh."

Lloyd tried to throw the pistol at Kai since he found a shotgun but he ended up shooting Kai in the leg.

"AUUUUGH! WHY DID YOU DO THIS, PINECONE" he screamed in horror.

"AHHHH! SHUT UP, GRAPEFRUIT" Lloyd replied, panicking.

"OW"

"I'M SORRY OK"

"CALL 911 PLS"

"OK"

"it's a nerf" Jay said, looking dead inside just like Leafy.

"lol who's the noob now" Lloyd said.

"you" Kai said.

"y"

"because you are, accept it"

They finally stopped when Cole started blasting IT'S TIME TO STOP with a radio. Another lightning hit some crap but nobody cares about the screams and cries that followed.

 **This is not a sin**


	3. Onion-Jay hates your lack of sociopathy

**You should really kill yourself. Please please kill yourself.**

It had been four nights of being on the road, in a dark forest of darkness and swampness.

"Why didn't we bring any supplies?" Zane asked.

"Because who needs supplies?" Kai replied, crossing his arms.

"Anything that's alive." Zane calmly replied.

"Well we aren't alive!"

They were all following the trail of sparkles and glitter on the ground.

"A CITY" Lloyd screamed.

"Yeahhhhhh..." Jay said, raising an eyebrow. "Where?"

"THERE"

"But it isn't where the path goes!"

"I don't care I'm starving" Lloyd replied. "Hey Kaiiiiii bro."

"What?" Kai asked, slowing down a little.

"A city" he said.

"So what"

"A CITY. BRO."

"Oh ok. Guys we're stopping, there's a city, and hopefully it isn't filled with horrible people and stuff."

They all agreed to taking a break and went in the city.

"Oh" Jay said.

"Wat" Cole asked.

"Fire"

"Lel ok" Nya said.

Some dude who was still burning ran out of a house.

"WELCOME TO WOODSBURY- Um I mean Hawkesbury- Um I mean" he stuttered, rolling on the ground so he wouldn't die painfully, BUT WHO CARES LOL EVERYBODY DIES SOMEDAY RITE, better KILL YOURSELF BEFORE EVERYONE YOU LOVE DIES AND LIFE CONTINUES WITHOUT CARING ABOUT YOUR WORTHLESS DE-

"Yeah ok your city is named something-bury ok" Kai said, annoyed.

"Good... Goodbye children...!" shouted a crying man before his burning home collapsed on him.

"NO! DAD!" screamed two little children while their mother forced them to escape the city.

The ninja stared at the ruins with an extreme Pacioretty face. **Nobody even knows who he is** **if I even wrote his name right**

"Oh" Lloyd said.

"Yeah" Jay replied.

"This sucks" Zane said.

"Wow" Nya said.

"Hmm" Kai said.

Then the fire suddenly stopped, powerful purple rain raining from the rainy sky.

"wtf" Lloyd said, even though he doesn't swear because this is a kids show but who cares swearing is cool and edgy 11/10!1111111111

"I am here to cast all of your problems away!" Angelika hummed in an angelic voice, while throwing some money and rainbows and unicorns around.

"OMG UNICORNS" Jay said, while all the unicorns started flying around.

"Omg thank you! you saved Insertnamehere-bury!" said a girl.

"You're welcome young lady" she said, before recognizing the ninja. Her grin turned into a surprised expression.

"Hi." Zane said.

"You... you followed me!" she squealed.

"Yeah, duh, you leave a trail of shiny sparkling glitter wherever you go." Jay explained, petting a unicorn.

"It's going to be nighttime soon, why don't you and your friend stay here for the night?" a guy said, looking at his hotel which was not damaged by the fire for magic reasons.

"k" Kai replied.

"Sure!" Angelika squeaked like a dying squirr'l, her pupils turning into starry stars.

 **Time skip of 5 hours idk-**

"DON'T EAT THIS" Zane screamed, sounding like the guy who became skeleton, but spooky scary skeleton was you and you became skeleton and wrote this.

"Lol why" Cole asked.

"THIS IS BAD" Zane replied. "THIS IS WORSE THAN DEVIANTART"

"lol what's deviantart" Lloyd asked.

"IT'S A HORRIBLE... HORRIBLE PLACE"

"Jay can you fix zane pls I think he's very dead inside" Kai whispered.

"he doesn't have a problem" Jay replied.

"how do u no"

"I have bloodeye"

"omeged"

"I... I sense pain... and suffering... Someone's suffering and I need to save him-slash-her-slash-xir-slash-they-slash-other pronoun!" Angelika chipmunked. "It's... It's a UNICORN"

"Yeah lol. There was too much unicorns so we put them in a giant blender while they were still alive, and we ended up with some kind of meat so yeah." the chef explained.

"UNICORN POWER, UNICORN POWER?" Jay asked, panickely looking at Angelika so she would save the lives of those poor unicorns.

"NOOOO JAY DON'T SING THAT OR YOU'LL TURN INTO ONISION!" Nya yelled.

"Who's Onion... I mean Onision-" Jay began, but he suddenly turned into Onion!

"NOOOO! JAY!" all the ninja screamed, except for Lloyd since he was barfing rainbows.

"I-IT DOESN'T EVEN TASTE LIKE SKITTLES MY LIFE IS A LIE" he choked.

"I am offended by your inferior intelligence... Heil Hitler! I am a comedian see?6" Onion-Jay purred.

"Please end my suffering" sighed Kai, glaring at Onion-Jay.

"NOOOO KAI DON'T SAY THAT OR YOU'LL TURN INTO LEAFYISHERE!" Nya yelled again.

"Haha lol LeafyisQuee-" Kai began, but he turned into... DUN DUN DUN, PYROCYNICAL!

Angelika was tired of all this YouTuber-turning.

"Stop behaving like grapefruits." she said. Pyro-Kai and Onion-Jay turned back into Kai and Jay.

"And you, insertnamehere-bury, you will pay for your massacre of unicorns!"

"We did that with babies too once. It was tasty." the chef said, not caring about Angelika's threats.

 **Yeah so if you don't like idiotic humour about suicide and cannibalism this fic isn't for you.**

" **It doesn't even taste like Skittles my life is a lie"- best thing I ever wrote.**


	4. nyan cats on speed

"Be prepared... To see my dark side!" Angelika shouted, her squeaky voice turning into demonic roars of le Batman and crap.

"whoa" the ninja exclaimed, as the roof disappeared in the spiral of purple and black that was the sky. Thunder growled and lightning crashed.

The chef was stunned, staring at Angelika. Her hair was an black and a emo and she had an tore dress and an demon tail and an demon horns. She raised her hands in of the air and the huge spiral in the sky turned into a tornado. The storm engulfed her, but soon, she roses.

"Quite interesting." Lloyd commented.

"Yes, yes, you are right sir." Jay said.

"I am a sir." Lloyd affirmed in a British accent, taking a sip of random tea that appeared out of nowhere, putting on a monocle and a moustache, and raising an eyebrow while appreciating a piece modern art even though it was a blank canvas named "Snowstorm in the Sahara".

"FEAR! FEAR MY POWER!" Dark Angelika screamed in a demonic voice. Lightning crashed across the area.

"She stole my powers." Jay grumbled.

"She might be even more powerful than me, hon hon hon. That is absolutely fascinating. Don't you think, Jay?" Lloyd replied like a sir.

"IT'S TIME TO STOP" Kai said, trying to stop his sir-infection.

"NO, IT ISN'T! IT'S TIME TO DESTROY... KILL, KIIIILL!" Dark Angelika said, as her skin started to become red. Her nails grew into claws, her teeth into fangs and her nose into a muzzle... finally, she was a _werewolf!_

"HOLY MOTHER OF CHEESECAKE!" the ninja screamed.

"She has transformed into a species of canine!" Lloyd exclaimed, right before Cole slapped him. Since he's Cole it was more like a punch.

"Ow." Lloyd said in a non-British accent. He wiped the blood off of his face and stopped admiring the glorious piece of modern art that he bought to the devil in exchange of his soul.

"I cured you!" Cole said, as rainbows surrounded him like Nyan Cats on speed.

Lloyd didn't reply, since he didn't have a soul anymore, but the devil gave it back to him because "you'll beat up everyone in hell and it won't be funny anymore".

Suddenly, there was a large explosion that wiped out the entire city. The ninja were in a safe space so they couldn't be killed by the Michael Bay explosion. Angelika turned back to normal and grinned.

"YOU KILLED THEM ALL" Nya said, looking at the wasted wasteland of wastetation.

"Yep."

"My ears" Kai said, since the explosion was really frickin loud.

"This was incredibly easy." Angelika said.

" **Enjalikeah pls" cherz sayd lik a dyein spoderman**


End file.
